Idol torture

I am a professional children's entertainer working the birthday party circuit. A few months ago I received a request from a client for a custom party package inspired by the TV show American Idol. The ensuing party went incredibly smoothly and was a smash hit. It was fun! I set up my sound system and borrowed my friends karaoke machine. The main focus was highlighting the kids as performers. No judging-everyone is a star! I decided to include it as one of my standard offerings.

The epitome of irony is that I have absolutely no desire to actually watch American Idol the show. When I put the package together I was perfectly aware that I would end up having to watch it, at least some of the time. I've been avoiding it thus far since this season started a few weeks ago. (Avoiding it like the plague!) As it happens I have an Idol themed gig scheduled this coming weekend. I figured it might be a good idea to brush up on the show in anticipation of the upcoming event. I reluctantly tuned in this week for the first time ever. I typed most of this and posted it on a message board I frequent, as I was watching the show.

Someone please put me out of my misery. Just shoot me now and get it over with. A slow painful death might be better than watching that show. I think I would rather scrub a porta-potty at a large outdoor festival with a small toothbrush. I would rather watch paint dry. I would rather poke my eyeballs out with an ice pick. I would rather sit in bumper to bumper traffic during the height of rush hour. (I detest rush hour.) I would rather take on a birthday party of 25 screaming boys, age 12. (Actually I take back that last one.) The show is awful. It's horrendous. Admittedly I don't watch much TV. I miss Real Time With Bill Maher and Penn & Teller's Bullshit Show.

Give me Joni Mitchell, Dave Matthews, Blues Traveler, The Who, Fleetwood Mac, Miles Davis-UUUuuggggggghhhhh!!! But I dread the next time I have to sit down and watch the disaster that is American Idol.