Happy Festivus!

Since late August I've been rather busy; 2 classes at the university, running a business, not too mention taking a tech class and rebuilding a website on top of being a mother can make down time scarce. The (academic) semester ended almost a week and a half ago. (I still haven't gotten my grades. I hate the way the powers that be redesigned web access to our student accounts. It's confusing instead of intuitive and it just plain stinks. It's bad design.) My tech class actually ended almost 2 months ago. But I wasn't able to devote much time to completing my own website while I still had academic classes.

But finally, yesterday I put the finishing touches on my website and launched it! The launch itself did not go smoothly. I screwed up something on the tech end that should have been very simple. Tech support with my web host screwed it up worse. In the end, as stressful as it was, it was a big learning experience. I'm thrilled and very proud of the end result. It is exactly what I had pictured in my mind 6 months to a year ago, before I knew how to create it.

I suppose if there is one thing I am, it's consistent. There is a certain amount of continuity in terms of color and theme that has always been reflected in my work. I've always designed my costumes in primary colors. My website coordinates well with said primaries. The logo from my business card is in my header/banner. My beloved and prized promo shot from my business cards (which also happens to have my son in it-and was taken when he was 10 months old) is everywhere.

My mother loved it; she gushed over it. A dear friend (who is also in the biz) said it was beautiful and it inspired her. The feedback I've gotten thus far is that the colors are great and the navigation is very smooth. Clean design and easy, intuitive navigation are very important to me. Nothing is more than 2 clicks away. Everything is very easy to find.

It suits my personality and character as a performer much more than my old site too. Most importantly I feel a sense of accomplishment.

November was very busy. December has been slow. I'm actually glad. It's been serendipity. It's given me time to take care of things that have needed my attention. January looks dismally dead right now. My husband laughed when I lamented about my empty calendar. He reminded me that I said the same thing last year and ended up getting a nice load of last minute bookings. I have my fingers crossed that history will repeat itself.

We are heading into the final weekend leading up to Christmas. So, as they say on Seinfeld, "Happy Festivus"!

Forget the fine print-just READ

I received an email yesterday requesting entertainment for a birthday party. The client wanted specific things; basically they wanted one package but then requested the pricing for my least expensive package. It's like they didn't even read what was including (or in this case not included) in the lower priced option. It annoys me because unlike most other performers in my business, my website has a LOT of information and my pricing is very straight forward. Either this person is incredibly stupid or a complete cheapskate. Oh yeah...they live in a wealthy neighborhood.

Mainstream and the Counterculture

The birth of my son was a planned home birth with a midwife. I've been a member of various online groups that are typically outside of the mainstream for some years. I've noticed over the years that people who are part of the counterculture in regard to parenting and birth are very quick to label other people. If you don't think the same way they do you're labeled "mainstream".

There's one lady online who I have gotten along with for years. I've always liked her. It's interesting because she has had a close friendship with another lady who I cannot stand. Her friend has, over the years, become a very judgmental evangelical Christian. I couldn't figure out how the woman I liked and respected could maintain a friendship with someone so rigid. She reached a point where she was very clearly conflicted about the friendship and had said that she planned on ending it. It reminded me of the typical girl who keeps going back to the controlling and manipulative boyfriend. Then she stopped posting on our message board. I had heard rumors that she ended up keeping her friendship. At the time I was concerned for her because I have long suspected that the friendship is a toxic one.

A few weeks ago she started posting on the board again. She's been speaking in absolutes which concerns me. I don't live in a black and white world and that kind of duality bothers me. She's making broad statements that make no logical sense and she's not backing anything up with fact.

One member of our group asked about whether or not she should report some kids who were selling pot at her son's high school. This lady insisted that all people who are convicted on drug charges are sentenced to long stints in prison. She insisted the woman should not report the kids. When I mentioned what happened to a close relative (1 month in a county jail on a drug charge) she insisted I didn't know what I was talking about. She cited the case of a pen pal who was serving a 40 year sentence in a federal prison for "selling a little pot at a concert". (40 years? How much do you want to bet her friend had more than a "little" pot and it wasn't a first offense?No, there is much more to that particular story.) I actually am in favor of legalizing drugs, but for now, it's illegal. So if you get caught selling you really should be prepared to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. I'm certainly not going to feel sorry for someone who is stupid enough to sell on public school property.

This lady says she wants to be a midwife. Yet she moved to an area where midwifery is illegal. I thought the move was a weird one. Before she made the move it was obvious to me that she would end up disappointed. So now she's complaining. She wants to move. I asked why she doesn't move to a state where it's legal and she would have an accredited school available. She got very defensive and maintained all midwifery is illegal in this country. That is just not true. I had a legal home birth! Quite simply, her narrow definition of "real" midwifery is not legal.

I support legalized and regulated midwifery, which I believe benefits everyone involved. She maintains legality and licensure burdens midwives with certain "rules" (protocols). I would like to see midwifery care the norm rather than the fringe. The only way that is going to happen is if we have some form of regulation. Protocols are a necessary part of regulation in any health care profession. I'm willing to accept that if it raises the quality of care and reduces the complication and c-section rates for all women-which the midwifery model of care has a proven track record of doing.

In the end she got very defensive and labeled me "mainstream" and "unstable". I'm mainstream and unstable because I asked questions and brought up logical issues that she refused to address? Oh Puleeeze!

I got the same line of baloney when I chose to use disposable diapers instead of cloth when my son was a baby. (When you're sharing laundry facilities with 53 other condos, washing poopie diapers is a good way to be added to the buildings "shit" list. Pun intended.) I wasn't "crunchy" enough. I was "wrong". It was a contest to see who could be the "crunchiest", to see who went far enough outside of the mainstream. I don't see the point in going outside of the mainstream simply to say I did; simply because it's against the norm. There should be a logical reason for it. When I did the research comparing home birth to hospital birth, home birth made the most sense from a scientific, medical and psychological perspective. In retrospect I know that my decision spared me an unnecessary c-section. Breastfeeding made much more sense than formula.

On one occasion, when my son was a baby, some of the local moms from La Leche League met for a play date. I was turned away because I had brought my husband with me. After all, it was an all girls club. I chose to leave the group because I couldn't justify raising my son around a group of women who held men in such contempt. To me, that line of thinking is just as bad as male chauvinism.

So now it's several years later and I'm being labeled as "mainstream" all over again. Yet the mainstream have always thought I'm a bit of a freak. After all, what normal and responsible woman would choose to birth like a wild animal at home when she can have the comfort of drugs in a hospital? I'm fine with being a freak. But I think that it's rather stupid to maintain such narrow definitions of what is acceptable. Dualism is never healthy.

Hypocrite Girl

No, not me. Or at least I hope not! No, I met a young, single mother recently. A financially disadvantaged one, who is on Medicaid and had both of her kids on Medicaid. I'm not certain, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it's likely that she's receiving some sort of government assistance for rent and she might even be on food stamps.

During a conversation with this girl the subject of politics came up and she said, rather emphatically, "I'm completely against abortion. It shouldn't be allowed." (The second she said that I thought to myself, "No shit. Well apparently you don't believe in birth control either.") Then she went on, "And I'm against that gay marriage too. Those gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt kids either! And I'm against universal health care." Now, being a liberal Grrrl, I'm pro-choice (how dare anyone even think of legislating my body!), I'm pro-gay marriage and adoption and I'm highly in favor of universal health care. Until you loose your health insurance because you can't afford the rate increases you have no right to talk. I wasn't going to argue this poor, misguided girl on her brand of "morals" because I knew it was a loosing battle. But I wasn't going to let that crack about universal health care slide. Not when I know she's on Medicaid and so are her kids.

So I asked why she's against it and I explained that I think health care is a right, not a privilege. Yet a privilege is exactly what it's become in this country. She explained that if our country implemented universal health care we would loose specialists and anyone who needed surgery would have to wait a really long time if they got it at all. Spoken like a true brainwashed sheep, incapable of independent thought! I said, "Really? Well my husband has what is considered a very good health plan with his employer and he still had to wait almost a year for knee surgery he desperately needed. And if my son and I wanted to get on his plan we would have to pay almost $800 a month and we have no pre-existing conditions." Her chin dropped at that. Then I continued, "I have really crappy coverage right now because costs have skyrocketed so high that we can't afford anything else. I think our current health care system stinks. What has been your experience with Medicaid?" To which she replied, "Oh, I've never had any problems. If my kids or I need anything at all we get it immediately!"

That really pissed me off. She has health coverage that she thinks is great and yet she doesn't think the middle class should have the same. (No, I don't think Medicaid is the answer either.) She didn't realize that she actually made a wonderful case in favor of universal health care. Ok, admittedly I was pissed off the minute she started spouting her bigotry against gays. The feminist in me was annoyed at her attitude toward the abortion issue. Just because she is against abortion all women should have to give up the right to make life altering decisions for themselves? All women should give up their autonomy in exchange for her narrow ideology? Fuck that.

The U.S. is the only industrialized country that does not have universal health coverage. In addition our health care system is the only one I know of that is entirely profit driven. It's no wonder that Ford and General Motors are loosing millions when they have to compete against foreign auto makers that don't have to carry the burden of health coverage for their employees. Our health care system is rather oppressive and it's going to get much worse before it ever gets better. There are millions of people that walk a very tight financial line and if they get sick they loose everything. If your health insurance is provided by your employer but a catastrophic illness causes you to loose your job, who is going to pay your medical expenses? Hypocrite Girl is quite the conservative but takes advantage of government programs, socialized programs, that the right is traditionally against. She needs to see Michael Moore's movie "SiCKO"! She also needs to pull her head out of her butt.

Rant over.

On maternal deaths

I was raised from the perspective that pregnancy can be avoided and that it is smart and forward thinking to prevent unwanted pregnancies until one is emotionally and financially stable enough to raise a child. I don't know whether or not my mother has ever considered herself a feminist. While she might not be as politically vocal as I am, she is above all else, exceedingly practical.

When I was a teen she was never interested in passing moral judgments on whether or not I was sexually active. (I've never discussed the Purity Ball with her, but I'm certain she would find it just as disturbing as I do.) Moreover, she respected the fact that I own my sexuality, and as such it's no ones right to pass judgment. Her concern was making sure I had the knowledge necessary to protect myself against disease and unplanned pregnancy. She drilled it into my brain and I am extremely grateful to her for doing so. She respected my autonomy and made it clear that only I am capable of taking responsibility for my actions.

Christian evangelicals refuse to look at the devastating effects an unplanned pregnancy can have on the course of woman's life-heck, on her entire family. This article in BBC News put if very succinctly when one man was quoted as saying, "Women were too often seen as "containers" for babies and nothing more." After the jump the article is on the lack of progress made on maternal death in the past 20 years.

The article citing a study on global maternal death rates by Harvard professor Ken Hill. Also cited was a separate study on abortion by Dr Iqbal Shah from the World Health Organization. That study showed that the number of abortions taking place in "unsafe" conditions has remained the same. In other words it backs up what the pro-choice movement has known for years. That is, if you make abortion illegal it won't prevent abortions from taking place. It will just make them more dangerous.

But I want to go back to that comment referring to women as "containers". It rings true in regard to the "pro-life" movement. They place so much emphasis on a group of cells that they disregard the life of the mother in question. They disregard her as an individual, who is really the only one qualified to make the decision in question. All emphasis is placed on that group of cells-even before the fertilized egg is implanted. This attitude only continues to objectify women. And then after the baby is born the political conservatives in the US abandon both mother and child.

Can't afford this weeks groceries or don't have health insurance? Well buck up girlie! Maybe you shouldn't have gotten yourself knocked up in the first place. What's that? The condom broke? Too bad! You were raped? Oh well! Work harder, get a better education and a second or third job, but stop your damn complaining and don't expect handouts!

Fuzzy Math

"It sounds like something from Sesame Street." I don't remember if those were his exact words, but that's basically what Bush said in the 2000 presidential campaign, about Al Gore's proposed ideas regarding the budget surplus. We all remember that Al Gore wanted to use the surplus to shore up Social Security. We all remember the subsequent jokes about "lock boxes" too. Bush claimed that Gore's numbers were way off base and apparently a lot of Americans believed him. I'm not sure why they believed him, but they did.

Bush sold Americans the idea of returning the surplus to the American people in the form of a tax cut. Any idiot with half a brain saw right through that one. It was obvious the tax cut was going to go to the wealthy. Apparently half the people in this country have less than half a brain though, because they voted for Moron Boy.

Whenever you give a tax cut in one place the slack has to be picked up somewhere else. So I immediately figured that the burden would fall on the working class. Oh sure, they threw a few crumbs to the middle and lower classes! Though speaking for my family at least, money got tighter so those few extra tax crumbs didn't go toward extra purchases (and stimulating the economy), but rather paying the bills.

The bottom line is I knew Bush spelled bad news for the economy. Through his first 4 years the main thing keeping the economy afloat was the housing boom. But even that worried me. Because I knew the housing boom could only keep the country going for a limited time. Eventually it was bound to burst. I know many people who had stupidly insisted the housing bubble would not burst. They honestly believed property values would just indefinitely keep increasing!

I remember one conversation I had with a self described conservative. This person made a large chunk of her income from property investments. She told me, "If you really knew how the economy worked you could only be a Republican." I hate it when conservatives say that. It's so incredibly condescending and it reeks of hubris. Yet I somehow understood a very basic principle better than she did. What goes up must come down. The housing bubble has since burst. All those "exotic" loans are going south and it's killing the economy.

Incidentally, said conservative bought her home on a 40 year loan at the peak of the housing boom. She's in her 40's and she took out a 40 year loan. The way property values have plummeted, there is no way her home is worth what it was when she bought it. Yeah, that was a great investment!

But something else occurred to me today about Bush's tax cuts. He's very quick to spend on the war-money we don't have-but he wants to cut funding for domestic programs. Which means less money is being pumped into the economy. When you cut funding for domestic programs you cut jobs. Oh yeah-and this week he vetoed a bill that would have expanded health coverage for poor and middle class children. My kiddo probably would have been covered under the vetoed plan. We're strained to the max and that health plan would have been a big help for us.

My final economic gripe is on Reaganomics or more specifically "trickle down economics". The theory is if taxes are cut on higher incomes and business activity it will stimulate the economy and everyone will benefit. In reality it's never worked that way. The only ones who really benefit from it are the ones who receive the tax cuts. I admit I'm not an economic expert, but it seems to me that if the lower and middle classes have money to spend they will buy things and the wealth will automatically end up accumulating at the top-with the wealthy. Bush is obviously a fan of trickle down economics.

Put it all together and our economy is totally fucked up for the time being. Thanks Moron Boy-um, excuse me...Mr. Bush!

Recession

The powers that be don't want to say that we are in a recession. But the fact is we are, without a doubt, smack in the middle of a recession. We have been since April or May. (Interestingly, April was my last big hurrah in terms of income. In May my business took a nose dive. I strongly suspect that there is some sort of correlation.) I'm sure Bush and his cronies don't want to start a panic by mentioning the word. Ditto on the Fed. I'm a bit annoyed. Just call it what it is and be done with it. Then let it run through its course and we can get on with things.

Accessories and the anti-girlie girl

There are women who covet accessories. They spend oodles of money on handbags and other gear. They coordinate said accessories with outfits. They ooh and aah over Chanel and Louis Vuitton. Heck, some of them even buy matching collars for their annoying little rat dogs. If they can afford the big names they will buy them. If they cannot, they buy the knockoffs.

And then there are women like me. Women who view a purse as a practical, utilitarian item; something to throw a wallet, cellphone, lipstick or in my case Blistex, and various little bits of paper that for some reason must be on your person at all times. Women who own only one or two handbags; one for everyday and maybe one inexpensive bag for dressy occasions. I envy men. They somehow manage to stuff everything into their pockets. A purse is the last thing on earth I want to think about. I want to just throw my stuff in my bag and head out the door. I want to carry as little as possible in my bag. I don't like the thought of spending a large sum of money on a handbag either. On the other hand I reached my wits end and was getting rather fed up with having to waste my precious time and energy shopping for and spending my money on a new handbag once a year. The thought of shopping for a handbag gives me a headache. It's a nasty chore. Please, hand me a toothbrush and I'll scrub the shower instead, thank you very much.

So about 7 years ago-before I even thought about having a child-I decided to buy an investment piece. I felt it was worth it to spend more money if I could find a purse that was well made with top notch materials and would last an incredibly long time. The longer I can avoid thinking about purses, the better. I wanted something that featured clean, simple lines that would not go out of style. I also didn't want a bag that would have the designer or manufacturer's name all over it. I despise Louis Vuitton and Dooney and Bourke. I figure if I'm going to advertise for anyone they should be paying me, not the other way around.

The answer to my dilemma? I bought a Coach bag in simple black leather. (I removed the hangtag though, which I find tacky.) Coach has since retired my bag. They've gone the route of LV and now plaster the letter "C" all over the majority of their bags these days. Ick. (I can hardly wait until they eventually switch back to classic Coach design.) The leather on my bag is a bit softer than it was when I bought it, but it's worn well, the patina looks great and the bag serves me well. That was money very well spent.

I like simple wallets too. For about 5 years I've been using a men's wallet. It's a money clip attached to a leather sleeve which holds, in a neat little stack, all of my various bank cards and other important pieces of plastic (like my library card and the Starbucks card one of my clients tipped me with a while back). But a few weeks ago disaster struck. I'm distraught! My money clip broke. I've been on a quest for a new wallet ever since. I'm not having much luck either.

Wallet shopping is far worse than handbag shopping. 7 years ago I walked into Macy's and marched over to the the Coach counter. I saw my bag and knew it was the one for me. It was that simple. Yet I've looked at a gazillion wallets. I've looked at men's and women's wallets.

Why do women's wallets need to be large enough to fit the entire state of California? Who on earth needs to carry around their checkbook when check cards exist?! Why is it that all the women's wallets that would comfortably hold all of my little pieces of paper and plastic are almost as big as a full fledged briefcase? (Particularly, no especially, when my last wallet could easily hold all of my stuff and fit into my pocket!)

Why is it that men's wallets are designed by morons? Is there a reason that each card needs it's own sleeve? HELLO, if there is a layer of leather dividing each card it adds significant bulk to the wallet. If the cards are touching each other they won't melt! Nor will the magnetic strip demagnetize.

Grrrrr. I'm confident though. Eventually I will find a kick ass wallet....and when I do I will purchase 3 of them.

the life of a college student

The term started a month ago. I'm taking a prerequisite for my major and Spanish. Just 2 classes. Thank goodness I only took 2 classes. Running a business, taking care of a child and life in general won't allow me to take much more of a work load right now. My first Spanish exam was a few days ago. I didn't have much confidence going in to the exam. I was hoping for at least a C. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I earned a B!

My prerequisite is being taught by someone who seems to lack confidence. He stands in front of the class with a stack of cue cards. He knows the material, but I suspect he's just not comfortable standing in front of a group and actually teaching. The text book is as bland and boring as is possible. Why oh why must professors make us struggle with boring crap?! There is plenty of interesting material on this topic. As a result the class is dull. Hopefully it will get more interesting as the semester moves onward.

My favorite art history professor is not teaching this semester. I suspect that he was either canned (docile he is not) or retired but I can't be sure. I noticed he didn't have any classes listed this semester. Actually, the classes that he normally teaches are listed with a different professor. This morning I swung by his office and there was a pile of garbage outside the door, right on top of which, were left over blank exams from Modern Art. I miss his classes. He was fantastic at forcing us to think outside the box on a multitude of issues. He is a true intellectual of the counter culture. I hope nothing happened to him; I hope he's alright.

On a side note, I'm toying with the idea of doing a minor in Women's Studies. I would only need to take 3 classes to get it though because a few of my core courses for my major would apply toward the minor. I've got plenty of time to think about it though. I'll probably wait at least a year before I make a definitive decision on it.

Fabulous strikes again...

...or so Fabulous thinks. Fabulous has gotten into the habit of putting people up to calling me and booking gigs for the purpose of fishing for information. (I suspect that's the reasoning behind it but one can never be sure of the ulterior motive.) I end up reserving a date and time slot for a sham gig and run the risk of possibly not booking a legitimate one. At least I suppose that's the idea. Except I'm on to Fabulous. I can always tell when it's one of his/her peeps. They're not discreet either. I'm quite sure they're oblivious about just how conspicuous they truly are. It's actually funny. I can always tell.

Calling other companies or performers and digging for information is something that I don't do as a rule. It's dishonest; I'd rather just call someone up and ask them something point blank. Unfortunately sometimes people won't give accurate information under those circumstances. But I look at it this way, how badly do I really need information from another company or performer? If someone isn't honest with me I don't want to do business with them anyway. If a company is lying about me (and that has happened in the past-it's weird how cutthroat the birthday party business can be) it always comes back to bite them in the ass.

A hybrid car with bling

This afternoon I saw something I never would have expected; a Honda Insight with spinning rims. Hybrid cars are usually associated with geek types. They're typically the thinking man's (or woman's) car. I always think of geeks as being entirely too practical to be bothered with auto bling. It looked ridiculous and completely out of place. I called up my husband laughing like a banshee. "I've seen everything! I'm at a red light and guess what I'm looking at? An Insight with Spinning Rims!!!" He in turn told one of his co-workers. She too laughed like a loon. It was apparently the highlight of her day.

rhetoric and a wedding

I started class about 2 weeks ago. I'm taking Spanish I and a rhetoric class which is the main prerequisite for my major. I'm not enjoying Spanish; it's a chore. I don't like the format of the class either. I had the choice to do total immersion or a bilingual class at the local community college. I chose total immersion and now I'm paying the price. Somehow I'll make my way through the semester. But for Spanish II I'm heading to the community college.

The rhetoric class is very interesting, although ironically the professor is not a good public speaker. I suppose that's why he's never done work as a public speaker; he knows his strong points and his weak points. He has worked as a speech writer in the past. You can tell he knows his stuff, but he's clearly not terribly comfortable standing at the front of a room and speaking.

This class is the foundation for many of the other classes I will be taking. I love it because I can see how it relates to so many things in our society. I'm particularly glad I'm taking this class heading into an election year. The first day of class the professor mentioned a quote, I don't remember it exactly, but paraphrased it's something along the lines of, "If you don't understand rhetoric you can be had."

I'm the geek sitting at the front of class paying attention and involved in the entire class discussion. I do not enjoy the fact that it's at 8:00am though. It means that I have to drop Little Man off at his preschool at 7:00am on the days I have my rhetoric class. Which means I have to wake him up at 6:30am. Ever try to wake a 4 1/2 year old up at 6:30am when all he wants to do is sleep until the sun comes up? "Moooooooooom, let me sleep. It's still night time." 8:00am is just too early for me for a class. So I end up yawning my way through the class, even though I enjoy it.

On another note, we went to the Bahama's this past weekend (Labor Day weekend, the last hurrah before fall) for a friends wedding. This is the second wedding we've gone to in the past few years. Both were Jewish weddings. My guy and I both come from Jewish families but we're non-practicing and about as reformed as is possible. However, we did have a Jewish wedding. When we got married I didn't know what a Ketubah was and even if I had known, I'm not sure I would have cared about having one. This summer we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I think that's significant for our generation. We have Little Man at a Jewish preschool and after attending 2 Jewish weddings I realize a Ketubah is something meaningful and I wish I would have had a better understanding of it when we got married.

Interestingly enough, when I went online and researched Ketubah's out of curiosity and to educate myself, I discovered most companies that sell them offer many different texts for them, one of which is from a Secular Humanist perspective. My guy and I got married in Las Vegas and we always loved what the rabbi said at our wedding service. It wasn't until I read the Secular Humanist Ketubah texts that I realized our rabbi took that approach for our wedding. I kind of regret not getting a Ketubah when we got married.

Cest la vie. I suppose we could always renew our wedding vows and have the rabbi sign it then.

sugar overload

I love my job. I enjoy working kid's birthday parties. I get paid to play. The vast majority of the parties I work go very smoothly. But I get maybe 2-3 parties each year with really weird energy, where the kids are absolutely wired. I recently experienced one.

I walked into the room to set up my gear and smelled chocolate. I love chocolate. It was a heady and decadent smell to walk in to. I was engulfed in the scent. But then I noticed it was coming from a chocolate fountain. At a 4 year old birthday party that is a bad omen. Who has a chocolate fountain at a kid's birthday party? That's an adult thing and it's always done towards the end of the party. I suppose the mom thought it would be elegant. Of course the kids got completely sugared up in the first 10 minutes. They were running around with chocolate smeared all over their faces like a bunch of skinny Augustus Gloops. They had the same whacked out look in their eyes that might appear on a junkies face. Seriously folks, too much sugar is actually a scary thing at a kid's birthday party.

Once a group of kids are flying on a sugar high like that all bets are off. It's usually best to just let them run around like maniacs and burn it off. Unfortunately I was hired to entertain said maniacs. It wasn't happening. I tried everything, and I mean everything to get them involved, but they just were not interested. By the end of the party the mom felt bad and was apologizing profusely and gave me a sizable tip. She was really sweet; the kids were just gone. In retrospect I can laugh at it; it was a funny situation. But I'm glad I wasn't there when they crashed from their massive sugar high!

The best parties are the ones where they give the kids crackers, chips, raw veggies and dip and fresh fruit to snack on along with water bottles and juice boxes to drink. Then they usually give the kids pizza, chicken fingers or hot dogs for the main deal.

Toys, treats and the last days of summer

Toys
When I was a kid things like Slip N Slide were luxuries. We ran around in the backyard with the lawn sprinklers going. My friends and I didn't have in-ground sprinkler systems either. We had those metal propeller looking things that screwed on to the end of a garden hose. These days they sell special sprinklers just for play. Things made out of plastic so you don't rip your foot open if you accidentally step on it. They feature popular kid's TV characters. (I'm having visions of Mel Brooks in Space Balls. "It's all about the moi-chandising!") When someone did have an actual Slip N Slide, it was simply a sheet of plastic. You put a hose on it, ran and then threw yourself on the ground and slid across the thing. We usually got banged up launching ourselves on the ground like that.

We currently live in a condo. So we don't have a backyard to set up a Slip N Slide or yard toys. This afternoon we had a play date with one of Little Man's preschool classmates and her siblings. We knew we would be playing in their backyard. I spoke to the other mom and their sprayer/sprinkler toys were shot. So I decided to treat the kids to a genuine Slip N Slide. It's the perfect time to buy something like that too, because all the stores are completely clearing out their summer stock.

I got the COOLEST Slip and Slide! It was normally $30; I got it marked down, then slashed 50% off. I walked out of the store with this baby for less than $8 after tax! It features a giant shark whose mouth opens and closes simply by water pressure. You actually slide right into the sharks mouth! The entire length of the slide sprays water. Why didn't they make cool toys like that when I was a kid?!

Treats
A smart voice inside my head advised picking up a box of popsicles on the way to the play-date. As it happened, more kids were at the play-date than were expected. There were 10 kids total. Us moms sat on the sidelines calmly chatting while our kids tried to kill each other. After they had been running around the yard like half crazed lunatics for about an hour and a half I asked, "Who wants popsicles?" I'm not quite sure what I was thinking by doing something stupid like that. I hadn't even retrieved the box from the freezer yet and it was around 95 degrees. Um...a word to the wise, NEVER shout out those words to a bunch of kids, on a blazing hot, summer day...after they've been running around like half crazed lunatics!

All of them stopped whatever they were doing and froze. All eyes turned to me. Did I say there were 10 kids? It seemed like there were 20 or 30 running at me all at once, screaming unintelligible strings of words. They attacked me! It was like being in the middle of a group of sharks having a feeding frenzy. I don't know how I got away from them, but I am quite certain if I had not returned immediately brandishing a new box of frozen fruit pops it would have turned ugly.

They all go back to school in a few days. My classes start up a week later. I don't know why it took us the whole summer to decide to have a play-date. Unfortunately once school starts up play-dates will be few and far between. And yet Little Man is starting pre-k! It's always weird to me how the end of summer is always sad and yet exciting at the same time.

The slime found on the floors of Port-O-Potties

I have a new found disrespect for the evil sleaze known as "Spammers". I have an online form for clients on my website and the Spammers of the world are sinking to new lows. They are filling out the online form-every section in it no less-in the name of spam. Actually I should clarify; I'm fairly certain they have a computer filling it out. I got 2 of them in my inbox today. If this keeps happening I'm going to have to come up with a solution to avoid it. There is no way this could possibly be a good way to earn business or make money. It's a waste of my time and their computer resources. It also pisses me off.

The DMV

The state sent me notification a few months ago that my drivers license was going to expire soon. I've been dreading going to the DMV. My state does offer online renewal but for some reason I didn't want to do it that way. So I kept procrastinating. There happens to be a DMV office about a mile from my house. This morning while pulling away from the Walgreens outside the DMV office I said to my husband, "Hey, while we're here why don't I see how long it will take to renew my license." He looked at me dubiously and made it quite clear it would probably take "hours". But I insisted it would only take a minute to poke my head inside and ask.

I stepped through the door and immediately noticed it was a quiet day at the DMV; there were very few people waiting to be helped. I smiled at the clerk behind the desk and asked how her day was. She was a bit taken aback as I'm sure people are usually a bit less polite when they go to the DMV. I asked how long it would take to renew my license and was delighted to find that they were able to take me immediately. I was in and out in under 10 minutes! How cool is that?! That never happens at the DMV!

On top of that, I discovered good news about my passport today. I've never had a passport and finally applied for one 4 months ago. Yes, you read correctly, 4 months ago. They are supposed to be operating on a 12-14 week schedule. Nope, I applied 16 weeks ago. I was starting to get really annoyed and concerned. On a whim I checked my status online and I was quite pleased to find that they completed processing my passport and I should be receiving it any day now.

It's all about ME, ME, ME!

All summer my husband has been ranting about politics with one of his old college buddies. This guy used to be moderate but has turned into an obnoxious Neocon. "Smith" is against universal health coverage, taxes and gun control. Smith is a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company (in other words, he works for the devil).

A few days ago we went out to dinner with a group of friends and Smith was with us. Smith and I got into a heated argument over universal health care. He thinks it's awful and horrendous where I think it's necessary in a moral society. Smith probably makes a 6 figure income (if not 6 figures, then close to it) plus full health benefits, retirement benefits and all car expenses are covered by his employer. He bought his home (a condo in a plush building in a highly affluent area of town) over 12 years ago; long before the housing boom. Unless he refinanced, his mortgage and property taxes are less than the current rent of most lower income families. He has no concept of what the lower and middle classes are going through. He thinks all people who are uninsured are lazy welfare recipients who have no interest in bettering themselves.

He actually said that everyone who is uninsured needs to go out and get an education so they can get better jobs. He stated outright that he doesn't want any of his tax money going to support welfare or public entitlement programs. I explained that societies are judged by how they treat their poor. He replied, "According to who?" I'm left wondering what kind of person cannot comprehend such a simple concept.

I tried to explain how my husband and I are struggling to make ends meet in the current economy and how we can barely afford health insurance. We are very lucky my husband is on a group plan with the school district he works for. It was at this point that Smith said something which shredded whatever credibility he had left. His hubris won't allow him to see how wrong he was in making the statement either. He said he is struggling to pay his bills too. The financial decisions he has made since I've known him directly contradict that statement. His cushy job of 13+ years contradicts it too. In a way it was condescending for him to say that.

But it boils down to one thing; he's one of the most self centered and selfish people I know.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I finished reading the book on Monday; 2 days after it was released. Now I'm going back and reading parts of it but I'm sure I'll end up reading it again cover to cover. It was wonderful but very different from the rest of the series. They're not kids anymore in this book; they're very much young adults. There were some incredibly intense and scary parts too. The deaths were pretty sad and there were a lot of them. The first death in the book, which was not a human, came at the beginning and I was horrified and dumbstruck. It was so senseless. But then war is senseless.

The death eaters and the ministry of magic (under Voldermort's control) reminded me of Europe under Hitler's ruling thumb. Muggles and Muggle born witches and wizards were treated like the Jews under Hitler. It was sad, frightening and creepy.

Overall I knew she wouldn't kill Harry in the end and I was right. Who would put so much into a beloved character and then have them die? Frodo lived to see through his quest, so did Luke Skywalker. It was fitting that Harry conquered Voldemort. It felt good to see the bastard finally get his comeuppance; ditto for Bellatrix Lestrange. It was so awesome to see Molly Weasley calling Bellatrix a bitch too! Stupid death eater; you don't fuck with Mama Weasley or her kids. That's just asking for trouble.

I am a bit sad now though. I thoroughly enjoyed the series but now it's over. JK Rowling is saying that she is thinking about making an encyclopedia for the series. She says she wants to take a break right now, which I certainly can't blame her for. But she's got most of the back story written for a project like that. I would have to assume that a lot of the work would involve organizing and editing rather than actual writing at this point.

So now I have "The Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie waiting. I'm not ready to start it yet. I also really want to read "1984". We never read it in any of my English Lit classes and I've been putting it off for years.

Summer Boredom

My husband is in education so he is currently on summer hiatus. The man needs to go back to work ASAP! The poor guy is bored, so he's been ranting and raving about politics for the past few weeks. I agree with everything he's saying, but I don't think he realizes how insanely bored he really is right now. He's starting to drive me slightly batty.

It's official-I'm a Harry Potter geek

I remember back in 1999, when every time I would head into a bookstore I would see posters and books about Harry Potter. I wondered what the big deal was. Why did the stores have so many displays with the books? Why did they seem so popular. Who was Harry Potter anyway? I wanted to know, so I asked one of the store clerks. I was informed that the books were about, "a boy who finds out that he's a wizard on his 11th birthday and goes to wizard school." I thought that sounded like a lot of fun and in my opinion, books should be fun. This was shortly after the 3rd book in the series, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" was released. The 4th book was in the works.

I went ahead and purchased the 1st book figuring if I enjoyed it I would later buy the 2nd and 3rd. I loved the book. It was magical (no pun intended) and fun. I was transported to another place. The book was an experience. I quickly bought the other 2 that were available and ate them up. I waited months for the 4th book and attended the midnight release party. I was hooked.

Fast forward to summer of 2007. In anticipation of the release of the 5th book, turned movie, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (which I saw yesterday and was fantastic) and the release of the 7th and final book in the series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Over the past few weeks I've been rereading some of the other books gearing up for so much Potter mania. Coincidentally, I have wanted to make myself a new summer skirt. Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes inspired me. I ended up making myself a brown, wrap style, knee length skirt. There's a fiery phoenix on the front with a few swirls of gold stretching to the back where a single phoenix feather floats. My husband assures me that I will be the envy of HP geeks everywhere at the midnight release party for the 7th book next week.

Smarty Pants

A week ago on a Sunday morning my 4 1/2 year old came into my room at around 6:30 AM toting a bag of cheese puffs. I should add that we buy organic, baked, cheese puffs at Whole Foods Market and the brands we get actually have cheese in them. I should also add that said bag of cheese puffs were up in one of the kitchen cabinets. The only way he could have gotten the bag was if he climbed up onto the counter, by way of step-stool. He probably stood up on the counter top too.

Little Man woke me up from a dead sleep and said, "Mom, can I have these for breakfast?" In a half asleep daze I replied no. Now here's another interesting bit from the story. The bag of chips in question had been opened the day before. It was only closed with a chip clip. I'm actually rather surprised he even asked. About 3 minutes later he came back into my room again holding the chip bag and said, "Mom, do cheese puffs have calcium?" I replied, "Yes they probably do have some calcium...but you're still not eating them for breakfast.

Part of me is amused and impressed that he tried to use reason to get what he wanted. Part of me wonders what on earth he will come up with when he's 10.

2 weeks to go

The 7th and final book in the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" will be released in 2 weeks. I can hardly contain myself.

Happy Treason Day!

The founding fathers of our country committed treason against England when they signed our most cherished document, the Declaration of Independence. In their time they were the counter culture; pure radicals. They were brave men with conviction, intellect, vision and ambition. They imagined the possibilities and made them happen. Today we view their treason as heroic.

On this 4th of July I wish Americans everywhere would take our country back from the creeps currently running it. I wish they would remind Mr. Cheney that our government has 3 branches (not 4...no Mr. Cheney does not have his own personal branch of government) and according to our constitution he's part of the executive branch. That's why he's called the vice president. If he were part of the legislative branch we would refer to him as a senator or congressman. While we are on the subject, could someone please let Moron Boy (also known as George W. Bush) in on a secret; his title is not King George. He does not have the power to reign supreme.

In a true democracy the government should fear the people. The people should never fear the government, yet that is the current reality. We are living under an oligarchy. Stop voting for morons! Demand term limits! Put an end to career politicians! Tell the special interest groups to go fuck themselves!

Rant over. Happy Treason Day...4th of July...whatever.

Ill Communication

My husband sat on the phone this morning arguing politics with his friend "Smith". I asked my guy why he insists on banging his head against the wall ranting and raving with Smith when there is just no way the turkey will ever accept a viewpoint that does not go along with his increasingly conservative stance. Among other things, this guy thinks it is his constitutional right to drive a big, gas guzzling SUV. My guy repeatedly tried to explain that yes, it's your right, you can do whatever you want to do. But when our soldiers are sacrificing their lives overseas, it is patriotic to drive a small fuel efficient car. Particularly when one of the main sources of terrorist funding is oil...that we purchase. Smith just doesn't get it and no amount of explaining will get him to see it.

fall semester

I had my appointment with academic advisement this morning. Unfortunately the computer system was down across the campus so I wasn't able to register for classes. But I did find out which prerequisites I need and what my options are. When I sat down with my adviser, since he didn't have access to my files in the computer I gave him a little bit of relevant background info and explained that I was drawn to the coursework for Public Communication. He smiled and said, "Yes...Gender, Race and Communication...Ethnicity and Communication...Minorities and the Media...Political Communication." I wanted to give him a high five. He saw exactly where I was coming from.

I'm going to have a difficult time deciding exactly which classes to take because so many of them look fantastic. I mentioned the Storytelling class which is offered as part of the performance component and he smiled and said, "Oh, I would love to take that class!" and proceeded to explain a little bit about the professor. Then he cracked a joke about how our founding fathers did not sign the Declaration of Independence and create the Constitution for us to up with Bush's signing statements.

As it turns out I am required to take 2 college level foreign language classes, which were the only classes I didn't need for Art Ed. I immediately knew I would take Spanish. Over the years I've actually considered taking a Spanish class but never actually did it because I didn't have to. My mom groaned when I told her about the foreign language requirement. But I'm taking it in stride; I figure it's high time I made an attempt to learn Spanish. In high school I never really put any effort into the 2 Spanish classes I took. I did just barely enough to pass the subject.

So this fall I plan on taking the main prerequisite for my major and my first Spanish class. In the Spring I will take my second Spanish class and something fun like a political class, pubic speaking or storytelling.

Sweet Revenge

Several months ago my husband received a membership for the NRA. Upon receiving it, he immediately called the organization and cancelled it. As it turns out, he figured out who sent/paid for it. It was one of his buddies he has known since college. I'll call him Smith (as in Smith and Wesson).

My guy and I are obviously liberals. I used to think we were fairly mainstream liberals, but as times are changing it seems we are, by mainstream standards, fairly radical. Smith used to be moderate but has become increasingly conservative as the years have gone on. I feel it's important to note that he is a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company. I'm quite certain that has played a large part in his conversion to conservatism.

They are still good friends but in more recent years they have had quite a few debates on politics. This entire weekend they were shooting political emails back and forth (pun intended). Finally last night my guy told me that he is quite certain Smith had paid for that old NRA membership that he cancelled. I felt rather stupid that I didn't realize sooner it was his buddie.

This morning in an email Smith pointed the finger at me, stating that I have "changed" my husband into more of a liberal. I had a good laugh at that one. (As if I would have married a Neocon.) Smith went on to ask if he could make a donation to the NRA in my name. My husband thought that was hysterical. He replied in a fit of laughter, "All hell will break loose if you do that & I will step back from it all and have nothing to do with the situation. You will have to deal with her wrath yourself if you do that."

Hopefully he won't be stupid enough to something like that. But if he does I will not call him up ranting and raving (as would be my first, knee jerk reaction). I will simply make donations to both the National Organization for Women and to the Human Rights Campaign in his name. (He's a big time homophobe.) If he really pushes my buttons I'll throw in the American Civil Liberties Union too for good measure.

Ann Coulter is at it again

She's badmouthing John Edwards again. But she has a complete lack of panache. She has no style whatsoever. She simply resorts to her old, "school yard taunts". It occurs to me that this is a woman who is supposedly college educated. Someone in her shoes should be capable of more intelligent insults than she has unleashed. It just makes her look incredibly dim.

Chris Matthews of Hardball mentioned this evening that every time she starts spouting her mouth she actually sells more of her books. YUCK! Who buys her brand of crap?!

The waiting game is over

My guy did not get the cool job in the cool city and state we would love to move to. So we will probably be staying put for a while. Onward my life moves...

I'm a few years shy of 2 decades out of high school and I have not gotten my bachelor's degree yet. My major has always been Art Education. However I have absolutely no desire to sit in a classroom and teach. I suppose that's why I never bothered to get my degree. Most of the course work left to get my degree in Art Ed doesn't interest me either.

Several months ago my guy and I had a conversation about why I haven't gotten my degree. He said something very interesting. He suggested that I might be interested in Communications. So out of curiosity I went to the website for the local state university and checked out what a degree in Communications entailed. I was drooling over the required courses! Examples of the coursework include: "Gender, Race and Communication", "Political Communication" and "Persuasion and Propaganda". (I wonder if Karl Rove wrote the syllabus on the last one.) Everything sounded interesting. If I had the time and money to take classes for shits and giggles I would take those classes.

2 performance classes are required for the degree. Public Speaking I should be able to ace in my sleep. Among the list of other choices was one gem my guy and I had a good laugh over; Storytelling. Yes friends and neighbors, they offer a 4000 level Storytelling class! I have been a professional children's entertainer for over 14 years and incorporate storytelling into what I do on a regular basis. I'm sure there are painfully shy people in this world who would freeze in terror at the mere thought of standing up in front of a group of people to-GASP-tell a story. I am not one of them. Truth be told the class sounds like a great deal of fun to me and I am thrilled at the prospect of taking it.

I've been mulling this over for the past few months. This week I took action and made an appointment with academic advisement to change my major. If I am correct I only need 12 classes to get my degree. If I go part time I can easily finish in 2 years going at a nice leisurely pace. It won't throw my entire life out of whack. What's the point in remaining an Art Ed major if I'm not going to finish and I won't use the degree? With a Communications degree I can actually see myself using the degree. I could go into public relations or promotions. I'm sure it would open other doors for me as well.

I plan on taking at least 1 class this semester (along with the Dreamweaver class I want to take at the local vocational school). I'm excited about this! I think the fact that we are staying put for now pushed me to really consider the possibilities. I will update after I have my meeting with academic advisement, which is next week.

Lockdown

We live in a nice, middle class condo community. Our complex is gated and sits on a golf course. We are surrounded by picturesque landscaping. We have lived in condos for years and have come to accept that there is always one kook or nutjob. There is always one jerk that annoys everyone. In our building for close to 2 years it has been a family of renters. These people make trailer trash look classy. I have never been inside their unit, but everyone who has states emphatically that it is beyond disgusting with garbage everywhere. I know for a fact they smoke pot because I've seen them in action. I cannot be certain, but I strongly suspect they are doing harder drugs. Their three kids have been trouble makers from day one. (These are people who should not reproduce.) When these people moved in problems of all kinds started cropping up. Our condo association has started the legal process to evict them.

This week the Nutjobs had the police out at least 3 different days. I heard from one of our property managers that on the third day the police finally saw the inside of the unit and called the department of children and families. I don't know if the kids are still here or not.

Anyways, this morning the police surrounded our building. For over an hour they have had our building on lock-down. I don't know if it's related to the Nutjobs or not, but given the events from this past week it's a reasonable assumption. I have to leave the house in about an hour for work. I hope the police will let me out.

I can hardly wait until the Nutjobs are gone!

The waiting game

My guy had his phone interview this morning. He thinks it went well. He knows his work and he was prepared for the interview. He said the questions were very tough and there's no way someone could have done that kind of intense interview unless they knew what they were talking about. At the beginning, before they even asked any questions they explained that today they are finishing the interviews and next week they will be decided who will be included for call back interviews. So we won't find out anything until probably sometime next week. So the waiting game has begun.

Doing a happy dance

My guy has a job interview this week! I've been with him for 11 years and he has had such incredible difficulty moving up career wise. He's very good at what he does, but he's a white male. In the area we live in women and minorities always get priority over white men. (I almost feel bad even saying that because I support affirmative action to some degree. The problem is in our area the situation reached the point of reverse discrimination long ago.) He found out yesterday that the hiring committee in our current district alters scores for people who score 100% on evaluations from their current supervisors. They think that no one should be allowed to score 100%. So they automatically drop those people by a few percentage points. It's completely unfair. My guy is one of those people who consistently score 100% on his yearly job evaluations.

It's not up to a hiring committee to decide that no one can score 100% from their current supervisor. That sounds unethical to me. It's strictly up to a supervisor to determine how their employees are performing. My guy thinks they are doing it to get away with hiring people who score lower, are less qualified and more well connected. The entire hiring process is shrouded in secrecy. They are like the Bush administration; they do whatever they want to do regardless of ethics. They do not think they have to justify their actions. At this rate I don't see how he could ever hope to move up if we stay in this town. If they keep this up I suspect they will find themselves with a huge class action lawsuit on their hands.

The upcoming interview is for a position out of town, which would mean a move for us if he were to actually get the position. He applies for multiple positions every year, both locally and out of town, but with his luck he gets maybe one interview every 3 years. We are just excited that he has an interview lined up.

This is the position he received an email about a few weeks ago. The employer contacted him via email to let him know they were hiring and suggested he might want to apply. It's in a newer and growing area of expertise that he has been specializing in full time for the past 3 years. He's always had interest in this work though. I strongly suspect that if he ever decides to get a doctorate this will be his area of interest. (He keeps insisting that if he gets a doctorate it will be in a different field. Yeah, right.)

When I read the job description I said, "This position is tailor made for you!" At first we thought they might actually already have someone else lined up and they just needed more applicants to start the interview process. We have come to the conclusion that they do not have anyone lined up to hire yet. They called him on Tuesday to schedule a phone interview for Friday morning. Then they called back Wednesday and asked if there was any way he could do a video conference. He doesn't have anywhere to set up something like that so they are sticking with the phone interview. He's happy about that though because it will allow him to refer to notes.

On Tuesday night he went online and did some research for the school district in question. He printed out an ENTIRE NOTEBOOK of data on their district! Last night while going over it carefully he discovered something which really annoyed him. He didn't like the way they had figured part of their data. He said the method they used made no sense. I said, "That's why they should hire you. You can read and analyze this kind of data better than anyone."

So we are now crossing our fingers for a good interview and hopefully a request for him to fly out ASAP!

Tools of the trade

Part of my job is face painting kids. I am known for my face painting abilities. I know my craft well and quite frankly, I rock. My face painting kit is extensive. I have a LOT of stuff and I use it all. I purchased my first professional quality kit over 12 years ago. As one color would run out I would buy another container. As brushes or other accessories would wear out they were replaced. Once you buy a kit like that you don't replace it all at once, but rather piecemeal. Every single element of my kit has been replaced, little by little over the years, including the case itself. The cases take a beating and thus need replacing every year or so. In addition, I've added to it over the years. The kit I now own is for a much more advanced face painter, which is what I now need.

I love my kit. Over the years I've tried smaller palettes as well as bigger kits, like the one I'm now using. I love the idea of having a tiny palette which offers a great deal of freedom. But realistically that just doesn't cut it for me. It's not practical for the amount and style of face painting I do. I do keep a palette in a ziplock bag in my car, in case of emergency. I actually had to use it about a year and a half ago. I pulled up to a birthday party and almost panicked when I realized I left my regular kit at home. That backup palette saved the day! Though that was actually the only time I needed it "in case of emergency" I am now afraid to remove it from my car.

Because I've added things to it over the years, I had no idea what the retail value of a new kit with comparable items would be worth. So this evening, out of curiosity, I tallied everything up. Holy macaroni! My kit is worth $450-$500.

US immigrant policy

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...yearning for a decent job paying a true living wage. This country was founded on immigration. I'm not quite sure where I stand on our current immigration situation. I have concerns that really the "problem" is with Mexican immigrants. (I don't have a problem with Mexican immigrants. But apparently many people do.) I think the obvious solution is to try to create policy that will pressure the Mexican government into forcing their industries to pay a fair living wage. Maybe that's an oversimplification of the problem. I'm not sure. But I know that our own current immigration policy is not fair to everyone.

Cuban? No problem. Welcome to the US.

Haitian? Go back to Haiti-we don't want you.

Mexican? Hell no. Go back home.

Etc... etc... etc...

I also think it's rather stupid to create new immigration policies when we aren't enforcing the ones we already have in place. Call me silly, but maybe if we cracked down on employers who hire illegals we might actually see some progress.

Meanwhile my husband has a buddy at work who is French Canadian. This guy is educated, law abiding, very intelligent, in short a yuppie. He's been trying to gain status as a permanent resident for years. To date he's paid at least $16,000 in legal fees. Our fantastic government has told him that if he wants permanent residency, among other ridiculous hurdles, his employer has to post his position nationwide to determine if there is anyone within this country who is qualified for his job. He already has the job and has held this position for years. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask his employer for a reference letter toward his residency?

If I understand it correctly, the immigration bill that died this week in the senate would have, in essence, pushed my husbands friend to the back of the line for residency...behind people who have been here illegally. So this guy, who has been here legally and has gone through ALL of the proper channels and paid a boatload in legal fees, who is law abiding, who has contributed to our society, has paid FICA & SS taxes, who owns property here, would have to stand behind illegals who sell fruit on the side of the road! Not that I have anything against people who sell fruit on the side of the road. I just think someone who has gone through proper legal channels and has paid taxes, etc should certainly be given priority. However it bothers me that there are people in this world who have no other options than selling fruit on the side of the road in order to live. That is a sad statement about our society.

Annoying spoiled brats

Poor Paris Hilton was sent to jail. Poor Paris Hilton didn't like the food and found the accommodations less than stellar. Poor Paris. The sheriff's department decided to send Poor Paris home and allow her to continue her sentence on house arrest. Poor Paris claims she has learned her lesson. (What a line of baloney.) As it turns out the judge residing over her case is LIVID and there is a chance that the sheriff might be held in contempt of court. He deserves to be fired. I'm trying very hard to figure out what people actually see in Paris. There are so many people in the world who are so much more interesting, intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, funny and truly beautiful than she is.

Poor Paris was sent back to jail, apparently in tears. Puleeeze Paris! Get a freaking life. I have no sympathy for her. If she were more responsible she wouldn't be in this predicament. I also wonder how she got through life thus far. She seems incapable of dealing with anything. "But Daddy, you have to FIX it!!!"

Business is slow

April was great work wise. The first 2 weeks in May were looking up too. I booked a boatload of stuff in early May. Then things just took a nose dive. It's been so quiet. I know, I know, Memorial Day weekend and then school ended a few days later. That's not a good mix for the birthday party business. My saving grace are the summer camps shows I booked for the summer back in early May. Now I'm just hoping the birthday parties start rolling in.

On the plus side, I at least have enough work booked for June to keep me on track for my financial goal for 2007. I'm cutting it close on that goal but at least I'm still on track.

Email

In the news they announced that a guy was recently arrested whom they are charging with everything under the sun that is applicable. He is (well was) one of the top 10 worst spammers. I hope this guy gets everything he deserves and then some. He has done nasty and malicious things with computers. They should chuck him into a teeny tiny cell and then let all the other inmates use his cell as a garbage can. And whenever any of his fellow inmates speak to him they should ask him if he would like his penis enlarged or they should tell them they have a great source for Viagra and Cialis. They can also mention that he has been approved for that loan he applied for; all he needs to do is give them all of his personal information to verify his account. Obnoxious fucker!

On the opposite end of the email spectrum, my guy found something really nice in his inbox about a week ago. He received an email from a prospective employer. The purpose of said email was to inform my guy about a job position that was available. The position is almost tailor made for him. But the really wonderful thing is that it is in a state that we have wanted to move to since the 2004 presidential election. It is specifically in one of the towns that we have been coveting.

My guy has had an insanely difficult time moving up career wise. He's a white male. It's as simple as that. I have teased him repeatedly for almost 10 years that he should change his name to Martinez. So this email is rather weird for us. We do not quite know what to make of it. I think perhaps it might be a mistake. We all know that lousy cliche; If it seems too good to be true it probably is. I'm feeling that right now. I'm wondering if maybe they have someone already lined up for the job but they need to interview more people before hiring.

I know I might sound cynical. The thing is this is something we so desperately want. I don't want to build up my hopes and expectations just to have them smashed. He has never gotten an unsolicited email like this before though.

Oh, yes...how did they get his email address? What made them email him? He has his resume and all other pertinent information in an online database that this particular state uses. The best we can figure is that they found him on the database and figured he was perfect either for the position or as an interview candidate.

If they want to interview him, my guy should get a phone call within the next week.

Say cheese!

I was at my mom's house today with Little Man. I wanted to give my husband some quiet time to himself, which he appreciated. My brother, his wife and their kids were also there. At one point we pulled out some old photo albums and started looking through them. Looking at pictures of myself from my college days was kind of interesting.

Back in the day I was a scrawny little gal. That was right around the time that the "waif" look was really popular. I was a waif, not necessarily by choice, but because that's how I was built back then. I was skinny with no boobs to speak of. It wasn't until I met my husband that I actually gained a few pounds. So now I'm a bit more curvy. I still have small boobs, the difference is I can now find bras and bathing suits that fit for the most part. I've always joked that my bra size is triple-HA...get it? Ha-Ha-Ha. I could stand to loose 10 pounds, but I'm not going to kill myself to do it. I'm much happier and healthier now than I was in my college days. Back then I also had really short hair. I had a boy haircut. At the time I loved it and it looked cute on me. These days I have a chin length "do" which has a softer look.

I remember about 6 months ago my mom and I were looking at a few pics of me from around the time I met my guy (11 years ago) and she said to me, "You've aged! Not that you look bad, but you look older." I said, "No shit Ma! That picture was taken 11 years ago. Of course I've changed. So have you."

So while looking at the photo albums today I realized something. Yes I have aged a bit. But that's not a bad thing.

guerilla research in the biz

One of the things I do from time to time is check out websites of other companies and performers in the biz. I checked out one today (though not the first time I've seen this one) of another performer who works in the same market as I do. I'll refer to this person as "Fabulous" because he/she is a narcissist. If you are familiar with the Harry Potter books think of Gilderoy Lockhart. (JK Rowling has this to say about the character; Lockhart and Fabulous really are 2 peas in a pod.) This person is about as "Fabulous" as having your A/C broken in the middle of a sweltering July heat-wave. Fabulous is annoying at best and at worst has proven to be completely unworthy of trust. Almost everyone in the biz echoes the same sentiments about him/her.

10 years ago I was really "in the loop" so I used to get all the good gossip. Every time one of my buddies (another performer I know) was feeling blue and needed to be cheered up he would call me and ask if I had any new Fabulous stories. He would laugh uproariously at Fabulous's expense. It's kind of sad; I can only surmise that Fabulous has incredibly low self esteem to treat people in the contemptible and nasty manner he/she is known for. There are some inconsistencies and outright lies on his/her website.

In terms of design, the website itself is cumbersome. It's an improvement over the previous version, which opened a new window every time you clicked a page link. So at least the navigation is a bit better. But there are tacky elements to the site. Many details look like they were scanned and pasted in, rather than looking like they are fully integrated. It's one thing to scan in a photo a client sends you or the newspaper section you appeared in last summer. However details that are a permanent part of the site should look like they belong. Other pages look like afterthoughts; again, not fully integrated into the design. In addition there is no consistency from one page to the next in terms of design elements. It just looks like it wasn't thought out well. But that's the norm for Fabulous and has been for as long as I've known him/her.

Why do I want to learn how to properly build my own website? So it doesn't look like that one!

Pardon me, we are experiencing technical difficulties

Actually the difficulty is that I am technologically challenged. I have a confession to make. My website isn't a custom built deal. I bought a template and added all of my info to it. I love the way it looks in terms of color and basic design; it's got the "cool" factor. But the layout has always had limitations that have bothered me. I've always gotten around them one way or another. But as time goes on they are getting in my way more and more. I am going to reach a point that I will not be able to get around them any longer. That point is not too far into my future. I see it coming and I need to prepare myself.

I have not been able to find another template that is as nice as my current one, that also has very easy and straight forward navigation. I cannot fathom what web designers are thinking these days! So many of the websites I've seen lately have horrible, dizzying navigation. I can pay a professional to design a custom built site. But what if I don't like what they come up with? In addition I don't want to be at someone else's mercy. If I come up with an idea at 2:00am I want to be able to implement it immediately.

I'm using Microsoft's Frontpage right now. Every web designer I've met cringes at the mere mention of Frontpage. It's like asking Wolfgang Puck for Chef-Boyardee. However they all say how wonderful Dreamweaver is. I've checked out Dreamweaver. The thing about FP is that it's incredibly easy to use. Dreamweaver is a more involved program. I'm sure there are people who can pop the program into their computers and learn it on their own. I'm not so sure I'm one of them. I have also come to accept that if I learn DW I'm probably going to have to learn Photoshop. Photoshop is also an involved program. I've downloaded the free trial and I'm having some difficulties with it. (Yes, I bought a book. I'm still having some problems. I need help.)

They are both expensive programs too. Fortunately my husband is in education and qualifies for a hefty educator's discount with Adobe. (Yeah I know, I could probably find a bootleg copy of both programs somewhere. But I'm too honest for that. Piracy doesn't become me. I don't download bootleg MP3's either. I'll stick to itunes thank you very much.)

I've decided it would probably be worth my while to take classes on both programs. One of the technical schools run by the county offers both courses. It's interesting how things can snowball. My issue is the layout of my website. It's snowballing into spending time and money taking computer courses and eventually paying for software. Not to mention the time I will have to spend when I eventually rebuild my entire website from scratch. For what it will cost me to do all that, I can easily afford to pay a web designer to bend over, kiss my bootylicious ass and make me whatever I want. But I keep thinking, "OK, then what happens a few years down the road when I need to overhaul my website again, or I outgrow it, or whatever?" I'm back to square one, at someone else's mercy. I think part of me would also like the satisfaction of learning something new and applying that knowledge to create something on my own. (Or maybe I'm just being crazy.)

I remember back when I was taking Commercial Art classes in high school (I graduated with a vocational certification in Commercial Art) and then later in college/art school, I avoided computers. They were weird and scary mechanical beasts. I was much happier working with clay. I really miss clay. I like the earthy smell of it, the texture and the way it feels when you squish it through your fingers. I like kneading it (the proper terminology is "wedging"). I also like the way I am able to see something in my head and can duplicate it perfectly with clay.

As it happens, computer technology and software are completely different now. I can console myself with the fact that even if I had worked with them back then, I would now be faced with having to relearn everything. (I will now ignore the little voice in my head chanting, "Yes, but you would have a working foundation to build on. Your learning curve now wouldn't be so difficult!")

So this week I will trek over to the vocational/technical school and sign up for the Photoshop class (I've decided to take it first then tackle Dreamweaver). First impressions are everything. If you are using a website for promotional purposes, in many cases it serves as your first impression. I view the classes as a business investment akin to purchasing a good suit for job interviews.

Jonesing for Ice Cream

I am not into ice cream. That's ironic considering I live in the sweltering armpit otherwise known as Florida. I go through little phases with food. I'll get really into something and eat it frequently for a spell. Then I'll get bored with it and move on to something else. I have my tried and true favorites that I will always go back to as well. For example, I will never get sick of bagels and lox, dark chocolate or pasta. Ice cream is something I usually eat once a year, maybe once every other year. I prefer the frozen delight in the cone. However I don't like big scoops because I like the crunch of the cone (sugar cones or waffle cones please, no wafer cones). If the scoop is too big I usually end up dumping some of it out and skipping ahead to the cone.

Several months ago I stood in the freezer section of my local grocery store staring at the offerings by Ben and Jerry's. (I actually met the real Ben and Jerry once around 1996 or 97. They were exactly what one would expect-cool, liberal, hippie types & I want to say one of them was wearing Birkenstock's but I could be wrong.) Of particular interest was the flavor "Vermonty Python". Proper geeks are usually, by default, Monty Python fans. I fall in that category. So I was immediately intrigued by the pint sized container. Then I read the description, "Coffee liqueur ice cream with a chocolate cookie crumb swirl & fudge cows" which sounded rather yummy and fun. Wait...fudge cows? How could one resist?! I kept thinking about the French guys in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I decided to give the flavor a whirl.

It didn't just sound yummy. It WAS yummy! (I must confess, the fudge cows were both cute and cool in my geeky sort of way.) It immediately became my favorite flavor. It was the beginning of a Vermonty Python ice cream phase. I bought it for about a month, 2 months tops. I can no longer find it anywhere! I am annoyed. The Ben & Jerry's website has a flavor-locator, which allows you to input your flavor and it tells you where it is sold in your area. None of the locations from the flavor-locator have it in stock. I've checked them all.

I am now lamenting the loss of Vermonty Python. Bummer.

The high cost of not having babies

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. We are monogamous and very committed to each other. I don't like hormonal birth control and while condoms aren't as bad as some people make them out to be, I figured there had to be something more convenient. After 11 years, condom nookie interruptions were getting old.

Last fall an online friend mentioned she had a copper IUD and loved it. I was intrigued and started researching it as an option. After much research I discovered that they are extremely safe (unlike the infamous Dalkon Shield) and have efficacy rates comparable to sterilization. I also liked the fact that it's not permanent. I should add that there is a great deal of misunderstanding in regards to how IUD's work. They do NOT cause "an abortion once a month" as some people have been led to believe by the Anti-Choice/Anti-Abortion movement. (I refuse to call such people "Pro-life" because the vast majority of them are not in fact Pro-Life. But that is a whole other rant which deserves it's own blog entry.) IUD's prevent fertilization. As it happens, I am almost a perfect candidate for an IUD.

After several months of consideration I decided to give it a try. I went to Planned Parenthood to get it. They are known for providing contraceptives. I felt they would have more experience in the insertion process than a typical ob/gyn. The nurse practitioner was obviously extremely knowledgeable, certainly as thorough as the best Dr. and I liked her bedside manner much more than any ob/gyn I've ever met. After all was said and done I spent $400 for 10 years of birth control. I think that's a fantastic value and money very well spent! Several months later I'm very happy with the choice I made.

In discussing birth control among online friends, another woman I know decided she wanted to get an IUD as well. She lives in a Midwestern state. She called up her ob/gyn in addition to Planned Parenthood. In her state PP is charging the same price as the Dr. office, which is $725 (almost double the price I paid). When she asked PP why it's so much more than what I paid she was told that in some states they get funding to help offset the cost. Their state doesn't get that funding.

My online friend had to budget for about 3 months to come up with $400 to pay for it. She figured $400 would cover it and tried to make an appointment to get it. That's when she found out the cost in her state. Now she's going to have to budget for another few months to come up with the rest. It's still cheaper than the pill and certainly more convenient. I cannot believe they make it so difficult for people to get birth control! It's certainly less expensive to get an IUD than it is to get pregnant and have a baby. That's red state thinking for you though!

Edited to add: She found out that her insurance will cover at least 80% of the cost. She was shocked, but happy, to discover that they cover IUD's. So the moral of the story is to always call your insurance company and ask questions. It still annoys me that a lack in state funding can make birth control so expensive.

Cow flatulence and global warming

My husband is not a fan of the Bush administration. Lately he has been on a weather kick lambasting Bush and his cronies. He has been walking around sarcastically saying things like, "There's no such thing as global warming! If global warming is happening, it's because of methane gas released from cows and pigs." He has also been saying for several years now, "If you believe in God then you have to accept that he is pretty pissed off! Hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunami's, fires, come on! The weather is a sign from God that Bush is an asshole. We need to kick his butt out of office!"

He was also sarcastically ranting about the war. "We must fight them over there, otherwise we will have to fight them over here, because the terrorists will follow us home. See if we leave, they have to follow us because they are incapable of pulling out a map and figuring out how to get here." My guy's point is that it makes no difference if we stay in Iraq or leave. If they want to attack us on our soil they will. The argument that they will fight us here, or that they will follow us is just dumb and doesn't validate our continued presence in Iraq.

As far as I am concerned, I'm still trying to figure out what the "war on terror" really is. From the onset it seemed to me like the beginning of a new version of a cold war. For the record I do not consider 9-11 the onset of the "war on terror". Yes, I agree that 9-11 was one of the worst things this country has ever experienced. But it was when Bush started pointing false fingers at Iraq that the "war on terror" started in earnest. From my perspective Bush has always been the obnoxious and petty bully on the schoolyard. He wants to beat everyone up. The problem is you cannot beat everyone up. Eventually the obnoxious bully gets his ass kicked royally (and he usually deserves it).

Now I'm certainly not a political scientist, but it didn't take much common sense to see that if you took out Saddam Hussein you would create a whole host of other problems that would actually be worse.

I remember a few years back when my mom said, "But we have to get the WMD's! Didn't you hear Powell speak before the UN?!" I answered, "No Ma. As bad as Saddam Hussein is, the balance of power in the Middle East is very delicate. If you take him out you will destabilize the entire region. I don't doubt for a minute that Saddam would love to get his hands on some WMD's. I wouldn't be surprised if he had some at one point. But he doesn't have them anymore. Not with the US & the UN breathing down his neck. If we go into Iraq we will mess everything up. We're good at that. Look at Cuba! We put Castro into power. Look at Haiti-we left them high and dry! We have a history of putting crappy puppet governments into power. That's what will happen to Iraq. It will come back and bite us in the ass."

Several years later our asses are quite sore and Bush still doesn't get it. Now where is that map...it seems to me that we are the ones that need it to find our way home.

Happy Mother's Day! ZZZzzzzzzzzzz......

Most people do not have birthday parties on Mother's Day. I cannot remember the last time I worked on it either. So I usually have a nice, relaxing (and rare) Sunday off. Today was no exception. We had brunch at my mom's house as we usually do. I made my ever popular challah french toast. (Buy unsliced challah and slice it into pieces at least an inch thick. Once the slices are dipped and in the pan you must also sprinkle liberally with cinnamon. Serve it with real maple syrup too, you know, the stuff that comes out of maple trees-not the pathetic goo made from corn syrup!)

Then we came home and Little Man took a nap. My husband fell asleep watching TV while I worked on the computer a bit. Afterward I took a nap. Moe (our cat) fell asleep in his usual spot, between my guy and me. We all slept for a few hours. Then Little Man climbed into bed with us and started chatting. (I can't figure out if it's cute or annoying when he wakes us up using that method.) Apparently we all needed some sleep. (Well, Moe has a rough life taking naps, sleeping, eating and then sleeping some more along with occasional bird watching.)

I know that sounds boring, but really it was wonderful having a nice relaxing day! I wish Little Man could appreciate what a luxury a nap truly is. But hey, he's only 4 years old. I suppose at that age it's in his job description to debate and protest naptime.

Birthdays and other celebrations

My niece's 5th birthday is this week. I offered my brother and sister in law to do a show at her school this week. They kept thanking me over and over again. My sister in law's mom also thanked me a bunch of times. It was very gracious. But the thing is, this is what I do. I do kid's shows for a living. It was no big deal to do a show for my niece. It was the least I could do really. Little Miss had no idea what to expect. Apparently she LOVED it. Her parents later told me her favorite part was when I asked her to be my helper (twice during the show). I'm just glad she had fun. I wanted to be able to do something out of the ordinary for her. They are not the kind of people who would normally hire party entertainment; they don't have the budget. So it was different than what Little Miss is used to.

This morning at my son's school they had a Mother's Day breakfast. They do this every year. The kids make pictures and other crafts for the moms the 2 weeks leading up to the big day. There was one little boy out of the whole class who's mom FORGOT about it. She RSVP'ed that she would be there too. So when all of the kiddos were giving their moms their art projects he kept asking the teachers, "Where's my mommy?" Poor little guy.

My son has been excited about it for the past 2 weeks. "Mommy, I made you a yellow flower!" He's only 4 and doesn't quite grasp the concept of surprise. It's so sweet that he made all these things for me. They usually make 3 or 4 projects and I usually like to give one to my mom. I don't think Little Man is too happy about that idea this year though. We'll see how he feels on Mother's Day morning.

After the Mother's Day breakfast I brought in my face paints and painted all the kids in Little Man's class. I had an ulterior motive; I needed more pictures to add to the photo gallery on my website. I got some fantastic shots of the kids and I finally sat down and created a slick slideshow for my website. It looks so awesome!

I also created a new package to offer. I need to add the page to the navigation on my website. It's a cool package with a good price point. I'll tweak it a bit more over the next few days and then I'll upload it to my site.