Saturday, March 31, 2007
The making of a true geek
Once I saw it-and had a moment of pride over my little geek-I clicked on the link and we listened to some samples of Star Trek theme songs from the various movies and TV series. I didn't know that they have an entire collection of sound effects from the series! Among many others, they have a bunch of different versions of Red Alert, the transporter and even the bridge doors opening and closing!!! I can say this with glee because I am happily married and I'm not a virgin-I have sex on a regular basis. If that were not the case I'd be inclined to not mention my enthusiasm over said sound effects.
Then Little Man asked me if we could watch it on TV. My 4 year old asked for Star Trek! How COOL is that?! Wait a minute...is that something I should be proud of? Or should I be worried about whether or not he will get laid in college? I say that thinking back to the infamous episode of SNL where William Shatner hosted and they performed a skit poking fun at Star Trek conventions. (He also loves Star Wars and the Harry Potter movies. Comic Books are right around the corner. I suppose by middle school he will be playing D&D.) I must now remind myself that this is the same child that loves the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Run DMC, George Clinton and the P-Funk and the Dave Matthews Band. Regardless, he now wants me to add something Trek related to our Netflix queue. I think Star Trek IV-The Voyage Home might be a good one for a 4 year old.
My point in all of this is that my boy, at a mere 4 years old, got all sorts of excited when he saw the star ship Enterprise. I think it's in his genetic code.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Always update your software
That was my mistake today. Instead of lugging around a monstrosity of a karaoke machine to kids birthday parties, I use a sleek laptop computer and a program designed to play karaoke. Today I set up my sound system and hooked up my laptop. When I opened the program I found that it had switched to trial mode. (In trial mode it won't play a full song.) I panicked! I had 25 screaming kids ready to go! After a near heart attack and much fussing with my laptop, my kind clients helped me connect to the internet and I upgraded my software. Problem solved. But it took at least 20 minutes to sort out and fix the problem. Aside from the fact that it was quite stressful at the moment I worried that it was unprofessional. This was the first time that ever happened to me; how was I to know the program would do something funky like that. It is moments like those that cause me to have a love/hate relationship with computers. (Have I mentioned that HTML still scares me? It's an entire language of it's own-like Spanish, Japanese or Klingon.)
So the moral of the story is this, from now on when I have a gig where karaoke is part of the package, I will update my computer and software the morning of the event.
Monday, March 26, 2007
The things that qualify as "newsworthy"
I think all of those are pretty hot topics. But what did Fox News have as their lead story today and this evening? The autopsy results of Anna Nicole Smith. That's right. Not Alberto Gonzales and how it seems that with each passing day the Republicans are dropping their support for him and questioning his actions. Nothing about Scooter Libby and the Valerie Plame case. But Anna Nicole Smith.
"Fair and Balanced"? I think not.
My rather loud new neighbor
Here is Mr. Goose and his mate:
Here is Mr. Goose solo:
I suppose most people would say, "Big deal. You have a couple of geese visiting this winter." But I feel it's important to note that I, being a city girl, don't get to see geese very often. (I also like the way the pics came out. I'm enjoying my new digital camera with it's 10x optical zoom.) I am curious to see if we will find ourselves with a clutch of goslings soon. I don't know of a nest, but there is always the possibility.
Friday, March 23, 2007
The things that 4 year olds do
I started my workout, parking myself right up in front of the instructor's stage as I normally do. At some point, apparently Little Man needed to use the rest room. The babysitter asked him if he needed help, but he told her he could do it himself. Then he changed his mind. He came out of the bathroom, stark naked, standing on the side of the room looking for me. I didn't see him because I was up front and he was further back, off to the side. As it happens one of the class managers did. She approached him and asked if he needed any help. (I don't know how on earth she didn't completely bust out laughing, because surely I would have!) Anyways, Little Man stuck out his butt and said, "Can you wipe my hiney?"
Thursday, March 22, 2007
A messy desk is a good thing
I tell myself that my messiness is partly because of my creative nature. Ironically, if you look in my dresser everything is in excellent order. My clothes are neatly folded and organized. You can see everything when you open a drawer. In the kitchen the same holds true with all of the cabinets. The exception is the one with chips, crackers and cereals because my husband and son have taken that one over. I can't figure out a way to organize it properly. It annoys me. (Maybe I'm a touch obsessive compulsive?) All I know is that I cannot even think about organizing my home office, it seems like a stupendously exhuasting task to take on that I almost fear.
So I printed out the above linked article and I will post it on a wall in my home office as a reminder. (Though I really do need to get rid of my old computer monitor and inkjet printer that have been sitting on the floor taking up space for the past 2 weeks.)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sale! Take 50% off retail price!!!
We are all familiar with those sterotypical, high school movies. There are the "cool" kids and then there are the "geeks" or nerds". I was a geek, sans glasses. She was (and is) the bourgeoisie. I was (and am) the proletariat. I never had anything against her back then nor do I now. But please, don't give me false pretenses!
She called looking for entertainment for her kids birthday party. She knew I was in the business and wanted to know what I do at parties. She has seen me at work before too, so she knows I'm good. She has discriminating taste. I told her what she wanted to know and then quoted her my standard rate. She balked at the price. So I told her I could give her a discount-which amounted to 10%. (I realize in retrospect that I should never have offered her the discount. I should not have devalued myself that way.) She still balked and said she would have to speak to her husband and maybe call back. I've been in this business for 14 years. Women traditionally plan the parties, they know exactly what their budget is. When a woman says she needs to speak to her husband it means she's not booking the party. She called me because she figured she could finagle a good deal (by way of aforementioned false pretenses-what she failed to realize is that I can smell bullshit a mile away).
She lives in a wealthy neighborhood and drives a high end car. She had money when we were in school and she married money. She doesn't need a discount from me. But this is what I do for a living. She doesn't value what I do. Fine. As I said, I've been in the business for 14 years. I know my work well. I am among the best; I kick ass. (There is a reason one of my monikers is "Dynamite".) Let her hire an el cheapo fly by night who will look like something out of Stephen King's "It", will paint the kids faces with craft paint instead of hypoallergenic face paint and doesn't know the first thing about performing a kid's show.
I am not Wal-Mart! I am not Payless Shoes! It infuriates me when certain types of people treat me like I am. I am Bloomingdales-Coach and Prada. Honey, if you want quality you have to pay for it!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Boy Scouts of America (Ick!)
These seem to be somewhat common occurances. I have no idea what the statistics are, but over the years I've heard plenty of sordid stories about the Boy Scouts of America. South Park actually made an episode satirizing the organization. Specifically, it attacked their homophobic stance and yet seemingly common incidence of pedophiliac scout leaders. It was a hysterical episode. But the homophobia maintained by the organization bothers me. As far as I'm concerned it boils down to endorsing bigotry, something I have serious moral objections to. My son will never be a Boy Scout. I don't trust the organization and I do not want them to have the opportunity to brainwash him with their brand of dogma. But even more important, I have no faith in their ability to protect the children placed in their charge.
I am further disturbed by the fact that they are very quick to ban members who come out. But we never really hear about the fate of members who prey on the kids. Hypocritical? I think so. This recent situation with my friends son is even more disturbing because it involves other kids. Where do kids learn this kind of behavior? Where do they learn how to attack and rape another child? What would cause them to want to do it? It's particularly disturbing because it wasn't one lone kid attacking another. It was a group of boys attacking one kid. Basically it was a gang rape. I'm not sure what to make of the situation.
Thankfully the Girl Scouts (who are completely unaffiliated with the Boy Scouts) don't share the same doctrine.
Green Eggs & Ham (for Jewish kids)
The National Education Association is celebrating "Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And, there's the dilemma-how can Jewish kids celebrate with green eggs and HAM? So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story.
- Wailing Walnut
- Moishmellow
- Mazel Toffee
- Chazalnut
- Oy Ge Malt
- Mi Ka Mocha
- Soda & Gamorra
- Bernard Malamint
- Berry Pr'i Hagafen
- Choc Eilat Chip
- Simchas T'Oreo
It should be noted that all these flavors come in a Cohen.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Clueless
In addition she completely forgot what I'm supposed to be doing at the party. (It's on the contract. You know, the same contract that has my performance time spelled out.) She's paying $425 for the package I'm doing and she forgot what she's spending it on?! (On second thought, now that I think about it, I'll bet she forgot how much the deposit was and what the balance is.) This was booked through my friend's company. My friend has been inundated with emails from this lady asking weird questions. My friend emailed me this morning to say we should have charged this lady a PITA (Pain In The Ass) fee.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Date Night
We usually go out to dinner. Then we go home. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we just sit around and watch a movie on cable or from Netflix. Sometimes we go home and simply go to sleep. I know the sleep one in particular sounds B-O-R-I-N-G! However you must understand that when you have a 4 year old in the house, sleep is a hot commodity. And when the 4 year old is AWOL that is the best chance to get uninterrupted sleep. (LOL!!! last time he slept over at Grandma & Grandpa's he woke Grandpa up at like 5:00am. Grandpa doesn't seem to get that he has to tell Little Man to go back to sleep. That it's too early.)
No it's not terribly exciting. We really need to be creative and come up with some interesting things to do. No, we REALLY need to come up with something! Last night my guy suggested bowling-which we did not end up doing. (I should make something very clear. As geeky as bowling sounds he had good reason to suggest it. He has very bad knees. He's had 3 surgeries on each knee; 6 knee operations in total. His last 2 surgeries were done at the same time. He had partial knee replacement on both knees on Halloween 2005. Bowling and golf are the only sports he's capable of doing now. Hence his bowling suggestion.)
I suppose next Date Night I should put together a nice picnic and we can eat on the beach. I'm at a total loss of ideas at the moment! (How lame.)
Yeah, I know-Date Night with the exciting couple! (Not.) I will say this though, it's a million times better than being single!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Healthy relationships
As it happens, though it's been a very long time since I was on the dating scene, I remember the hell it was. In addition I know people who are still there. It never ceases to amaze me how people abuse themselves in dead-end relationships. I think sometimes you need to go through that kind of crap to grow as a person. Then again, some people will never grow. They'll just keep heading down the same path, never veering off course and acting as doormat to the boor of the moment.
Using Violet and her friend's list as a starting point, I decided to compile my own list, not about how to get hurt, but how to have healthy and meaningful relationships. I prefer looking at it from a more positive perspective. But it really boils down to the same thing. This will be a work in progress. I may add to it or amend it as I see fit.
- Be honest not only with others, but with yourself.
- Trust is a two-way street and it goes hand in hand with honesty. Not only should it be given, but it should be expected and given back in return, if that is not the case move on.
- Value yourself and know that you have worth. Share yourself with people who appreciate your worth. To do otherwise is hurtful and a waste of time.
- Understand that everyone has faults. You should never expect someone to change to suit you. They shouldn't have to. Nor should you ever enter into a relationship thinking you can help the other person grow in any way. (If someone is immature, selfish, a jerk or whatever, you cannot change them.) If you try, you will always be disappointed.
- Conversely, do not enable someone to grow stagnant or simply be a jerk, mooch whatever. Everyone grows as individuals throughout their lives. Do not allow yourself to be the one that either emotionally or financially allows someone to live at a standstill, not moving forward.
- If you enter into a relationship and it's not going right, do not assume the situation is temporary. Cut your losses and move on.
- Never date anyone who has to keep your presence in their life a secret.
- If someone hurts you, physically or emotionally, do not keep running back to them so they can repeatedly kick you in the teeth. Never accept lame excuses nor should you ever make them for another person.
- Seeing someone once a week, on Saturday night and having sex isn't dating or a relationship. It's just sex. (This holds true whether you're straight, queer or bi.) If all you are interested in is sex, that's cool. If you are not you will only make yourself miserable continuing with your once a week deal.
- This should go without saying, but I'll state the obvious...if you are interested in more than just sex do not cheat, nor should you accept a partner who cheats. Someone will always get hurt emotionally. In addition, no matter how safe or cautious one can be, there is always the possibility that an STD can be contracted and passed along. Which means the cheater is risking the health and safety of their partner.
- Appreciate that the relationship you make with another person should be wonderful and unique, but never loose sight of yourself. Never loose your autonomy, your sense of self.
All people have the responsibility to behave in ways that are equitable and sexually healthy. Sex partners should always make sure to
- Have each other’s consent.
- Never use pressure to get consent.
- Be honest with each other.
- Treat each other as equals.
- Be attentive to each other’s pleasure.
- Protect each other against physical and emotional harm.
- Guard against unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection.
- Be clear with each other about they want to do and do not want to do.
- Respect each others’ limits.
- Accept responsibility for their actions.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
weird news of the day
Fast forward to this afternoon. What was awaiting my husband in our mailbox today? His NRA membership packet. So he called back and found that his membership was properly cancelled, however it takes a month or so for all of their paperwork to catch up. Weirdness all around.
And while I'm on the subject of the NRA-I'd like to know why they didn't cancel Dick Cheney's membership after he shot his hunting buddy in the face. (Just how does one accidentally shoot a hunting buddy in the face anyway?)
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Cheeeeeese!!!
Jeeze Louise this show is cheesy! FROMAGE! Brie! Havarti! Gouda! Gorgonzola! Limburger! Stilton! Cheddar! Mozzarella! Manchego!
Oh wait, they just booted an American Idiot. From what I've been told this girl royally sucks!...Oh man-they're going to let her sing. Why must they allow the crappy ones to sing?!?! Why are they going to let her sing if she stinks?...Ok she's singing now. ...Wow, she does suck! ...Ok back to more booting.
It's not quite as bad as it was the last time I watched it. But it's still pretty darn bad.
Oye vey.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
The Finder of Lost Things
Getting back to my desk and my home office; there are piles of papers everywhere. Can you say clutter? My desk is a scary place. I just cleaned my desk after today's fiasco (I'm getting to that) and there are still all sorts of strange things on it.
- A lighter (we aren't smokers, I have no idea where it came from)
- A tube of Aveeno anti-itch cream (which I assume probably migrated to my desk after any number of mosquito bites last summer)
- 3 (count them THREE) seamstress measuring tapes
- A cassette walkman (I'm not quite sure why I still have that dinosaur, but something tells me to hang onto it-yup, I'm a packrat-thanks for passing me that particular trait Grandpa)
- Disks. Lots of disks. Data disks, music disks, picture disks, video game disks. Most are CD's but we still have some floppy's (we really should transfer all of them onto CD or jump drive and ditch the floppy's, but of course that would take time and we are lazy)
- A small plaque I received from a cancer organization I used to work with. (They unfortunately had to close their doors a few years back.)
There's more stuff on my desk. The items in the above list are just highlights. Today I realized my checkbook disappeared. I hardly write checks anymore. I usually use my checkbook to note online payments for bills in the register. It's almost always on my desk. It's usually in one of 2 places. Sometimes it's on top of my box of new checks. (The last time I ordered checks they sent me 2 boxes for the price of one. So I figure as long as I don't move I should have enough checks to last the rest of my life). The other place I sometimes put it is on top of the wooden drawers I keep pens, pencils, paperclips etc in. I keep my 2 staplers right in front of this small wooden structure. (I'm not quite sure why I have 2 staplers either. For that matter I have at least 2 calculators.)
Today my checkbook was nowhere to be seen. I started to freak out because I actually had to write a check! I feared my desk was punishing me for allowing it to get so messy. My desk had eaten my checkbook! YIKES!!! In panic I actually started to clear off my desk. I now have a pile of paper that will probably fill at least one large kitchen garbage bag. Still, I could not find my elusive checkbook. When my husband got home with our 4 year old in tow I still hadn't found it.
My husband has a talent for finding things. I can search for 2 hours for something which he can find in 2 minutes. In addition I am a bit oblivious. Something can be right in front of my face and I can miss it (for 2 hours). This particularly holds true when I am stressing because I cannot find the item in question. (You can see where this is going right?)
My husband came into the office and poked around for a few minutes. I yelled at him to get out of the office because I was still looking for my checkbook. He shook his head and left the room. (One of these days I'll learn to just let my husband work his magic.) About 10 minutes later he walked back in and almost immediately came out with my checkbook.
Where was it? Sitting right under one of my staplers, in front of my wooden drawers. Why on earth I stuck the book there is beyond me. But the stupid thing was sitting there the entire time. (My desk is laughing at me right now.)
My husband has, since I met him, claimed the title of "The Finder of Lost Things". He repeatedly proves he has earned it. I think I owe my husband a blow job tonight!
Ultra conservative drag queen
In case you live in a cave and haven't heard, she recently called John Edwards a "faggot". She claims the comment wasn't suggesting he was actually gay; rather it was "in the spirit of a school yard taunt". I find that rather interesting because the last time I stooped to schoolyard taunts was, well...when I was in middle school. But even then the word "faggot" wasn't part of my vocabulary.
The whole brouhaha has been up for discussion on an online message board I frequent. A few members have said that they think Ann Coulter looks like a guy in drag. I'm not sure if I agree with that, but she does always have a very pinched and angry look. (She claims she's a big time Christian. Since she's not married and strict Christians don't believe in pre-marital sex, I think she just needs to get laid, or in the very least she needs to invest in a really good vibrator. Dear Ann, get thee over to Good Vibrations ASAP!) Anyways one of the ladies mentioned that she and her 4 year old daughter were switching channels on TV and came across Coulter. Her daughter said, "Mama, why that man has beautiful princess hair? And why he is so angry?"
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Insanely busy work weekend here
The money from this weekend is such a relief for me! I've been very worried about money. My ad doesn't come out until April 1st. But because of the way billing with the magazine works, I have to pay for my weblink on the magazine's website, April & May by March 31st. This weekend will cover all of it.
Next weekend looks pretty decent too!
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Happy Purim!
I just bought a new digital camera & unfortunately I accidentally left it at home. I used to carry a camera with me everywhere when Little Man was a baby. I need to start doing that again!